by Aude Garderet and Bruce Taylor, founders of A & B Therapy
Everyone Loves Sex - both men and women of course. Everyone craves and longs for it. It’s the deepest form of connection between two individuals.
Often we think there is only one partner that is feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship, but the truth is that if one is suffering the other is as well. This frustration usually presents itself as a lack of desire for the other person, and this lack of desire always means there is a blockage, problem, or issue within the relationship that needs to be addressed.
Couples actually rarely talk about sexuality. It’s a subject that, perhaps for many is taboo or they feel too shy to address it. It’s something that becomes relegated to the realm of jokes or gossip between friends. Perhaps there is a feeling of inadequacy here which is prohibiting the couple from talking about it, or perhaps the upbringing of one or both individuals taught them never to talk about such topics. All of this resistance has to be unwound and the lines of communication have to open otherwise the end result is a given.
Opening these lines of communication should be paramount in a relationship, and it should be a focus that starts NOW. Of course, the first conversations may be difficult to bring to the surface, but it’s work that has to be done for the health of, not just yourself, but also your couple. Discuss issues of needs and wants freely, or if intimacy has become a routine (which it never should) then stop everything and have a chat TONIGHT, if you are not being fully pleasured or if your partner is feeling the same then talk about what you desire; what excites you. Indeed these conversations may quickly become highly erotic and exciting. Don’t be shy there’s nothing to feel ashamed of!
Think about the beauty of your intimate relationship. It is the ONLY form of connection that you are sharing uniquely with your partner. This is a sacred space for both of you to grow together, to bond and deepen the connection of energy between each of you. This is a space that needs to be nurtured, discussed, explored, supported, and by all means, should be a space that you are eager to be in.
To create this space you need to make it a priority. It needs space and time to grow and develop. It needs proper communication between BOTH partners. It needs men AND women to step up to the plate to not only make intimacy a priority but also to make the intimate relationship WITH the other person a priority.
You Need: Time, Space and Communication
If you don’t have these three components, if work or the family or friends or external life has taken these as a priority and your intimacy is suffering, then you need to realign your priorities as a couple.
It’s so easy to arrive here, we all know this, but it remains always your choice to STAY in this space or to work towards a relationship that is thriving once again.
Couples need to set time to talk about their intimacy. You need to make it a priority to express what you want and don’t want and this needs to be expressed without fear of rejection or shame. Each person needs to KNOW what the other desires, they can’t be expected to be able to read minds or to just know. This is true for all stages of a relationship, from brand new relationships to life long ones. Be open and meet each other with kindness and support.
TALK - HOLD HANDS – SAY I LOVE YOU
Get out of your routine and make time for each other. Go out to dinner, get a helper for the kids, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to get time to talk and just be with each other.
Open lines of communication are exactly that…THEY ARE OPEN, so don’t avoid sensitive topics, or ones that may be embarrassing. Put it all on the table! The only way to recreate the connection is to talk about what hurts, what went wrong, what isn’t working, what you like, what you don’t like.
Be present for the other one, listen carefully and listen with compassion. Put yourself aside for a moment and reach out.
Open you heart.
Be courageous, because opening your heart and yourself takes courage.
Be honest.
Be brave enough to be yourself, whatever that means to you or whatever you desire.
Intimacy is the cornerstone of all relationships, so make it your priority and open your communication today!
Everyone Loves Sex - both men and women of course. Everyone craves and longs for it. It’s the deepest form of connection between two individuals.
Often we think there is only one partner that is feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship, but the truth is that if one is suffering the other is as well. This frustration usually presents itself as a lack of desire for the other person, and this lack of desire always means there is a blockage, problem, or issue within the relationship that needs to be addressed.
Couples actually rarely talk about sexuality. It’s a subject that, perhaps for many is taboo or they feel too shy to address it. It’s something that becomes relegated to the realm of jokes or gossip between friends. Perhaps there is a feeling of inadequacy here which is prohibiting the couple from talking about it, or perhaps the upbringing of one or both individuals taught them never to talk about such topics. All of this resistance has to be unwound and the lines of communication have to open otherwise the end result is a given.
Opening these lines of communication should be paramount in a relationship, and it should be a focus that starts NOW. Of course, the first conversations may be difficult to bring to the surface, but it’s work that has to be done for the health of, not just yourself, but also your couple. Discuss issues of needs and wants freely, or if intimacy has become a routine (which it never should) then stop everything and have a chat TONIGHT, if you are not being fully pleasured or if your partner is feeling the same then talk about what you desire; what excites you. Indeed these conversations may quickly become highly erotic and exciting. Don’t be shy there’s nothing to feel ashamed of!
Think about the beauty of your intimate relationship. It is the ONLY form of connection that you are sharing uniquely with your partner. This is a sacred space for both of you to grow together, to bond and deepen the connection of energy between each of you. This is a space that needs to be nurtured, discussed, explored, supported, and by all means, should be a space that you are eager to be in.
To create this space you need to make it a priority. It needs space and time to grow and develop. It needs proper communication between BOTH partners. It needs men AND women to step up to the plate to not only make intimacy a priority but also to make the intimate relationship WITH the other person a priority.
You Need: Time, Space and Communication
If you don’t have these three components, if work or the family or friends or external life has taken these as a priority and your intimacy is suffering, then you need to realign your priorities as a couple.
It’s so easy to arrive here, we all know this, but it remains always your choice to STAY in this space or to work towards a relationship that is thriving once again.
Couples need to set time to talk about their intimacy. You need to make it a priority to express what you want and don’t want and this needs to be expressed without fear of rejection or shame. Each person needs to KNOW what the other desires, they can’t be expected to be able to read minds or to just know. This is true for all stages of a relationship, from brand new relationships to life long ones. Be open and meet each other with kindness and support.
TALK - HOLD HANDS – SAY I LOVE YOU
Get out of your routine and make time for each other. Go out to dinner, get a helper for the kids, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to get time to talk and just be with each other.
Open lines of communication are exactly that…THEY ARE OPEN, so don’t avoid sensitive topics, or ones that may be embarrassing. Put it all on the table! The only way to recreate the connection is to talk about what hurts, what went wrong, what isn’t working, what you like, what you don’t like.
Be present for the other one, listen carefully and listen with compassion. Put yourself aside for a moment and reach out.
Open you heart.
Be courageous, because opening your heart and yourself takes courage.
Be honest.
Be brave enough to be yourself, whatever that means to you or whatever you desire.
Intimacy is the cornerstone of all relationships, so make it your priority and open your communication today!
About Aude Garderet
Certified Practitioner of Psychotherapy, Sophrologist, and Hypnotherapy.
Tantric Energy, Spiritual Development & Breathwork
About Bruce Taylor
Reiki Grandmaster Energy Healer, Non-Violent Communication & Gottman Institute for Couples, Meditation-Breathwork-Yoga Teacher, Tantric Energy & Chi Flow
Together Aude and Bruce run empowerment retreats for Individuals, Couples and Corporations both in Hong Kong and Globally
Their next Transformational Retreat for Individuals is Sept 28/29 in Hong Kong
Their next couple retreat is Oct 5-9 in Con Dao, Vietnam
Click here for more on their upcoming retreats
